The unpleasant results or effects of an action or event. Meaning from the Cambridge Dictionary. We all are aware of the fallout from a nuclear blast. We’ve heard about this for decades and probably will continue to pass that term around with a heavy heart.
I can remember being in grade school back in sixties where the teachers would weekly have us kids preform a drill where in case of such disaster we would get under our desk with our hands over our heads. At that age most young kids had no idea why this was being done. It’s not like that would offer any real protection, but it was rather a means to an end. To try and keep the peace in those moments if said disaster were to fall from the sky.
But, and with me there is always a but. I say grinning slightly without taking the first two paragraphs lightly. I grin at the fact that over the past 3 years there is being a fallout all over the place and it’s nothing to do with a nuclear disaster.
Over the past three years I have thought about my late husband and wonder what all he would have thought about all of this. I think about my late sister who took her own life years before the pandemic. I found myself thinking, well at least she didn’t have to live through this, because she was such a social butterfly always on the go. Or, my poor late mother who passed away last year in the calendar month of her birth. I wonder if she even was aware of the situation since she had Alzheimer Disease for many years.
Sadly, to say I really never knew my mother at all. My father grabbed me away from her at the tender age of 2 1/2 and stretched down on the railway tracks not far from their home waiting for the end. Sort of like us kids did in elementary school during the drills. Waiting for the end. But, at the time I had no idea the end could arrive to me so soon in either case if that was to be my fate in this life.
I can remember my dad dropping me off with two old people with grey hair and jumping into a yellow taxi cab. By then we had flown from California to Florida via the tickets my grandfather wired to the airport in Los Angeles. I ponder over what long winded story of falsehood my father gave to this elderly couple now that I am many decades older and have really nothing more to do than to ponder over these issues since it is safe to do so.
I say safe because before 2020 I stored these issues behind a wall. Not to hide them away from myself, but rather to keep them safe until I was ready to deal with the fall out if there was going to be one. You see I had married twice, had two beautiful children with my second husband and became a widow merely 15 years after our marriage and my immigrating from the United States to Canada. In all that time there was no time nor good time to un pack these issues because I had to stand strong and tall so to speak and travel my way through this lifetime.
I knew in my heart there would be a time when certain issues would need to be addressed in full. But, I also knew that no matter what the fall out was going to be that I would handle it one way or the other.
There have been things that I kept reminding myself about. Keep common sense first and foremost. Next never be afraid of the unknown. The unknown is merely something that if it is meant to be known it shall be. It’s alright to feel sad by what life throws at us, but don’t let it drag you down for too long.
Ask me how I know this? Been there done that and I almost beat my sister to the suicide fallout back in the 90’s – Four years before my husband suffered a sudden heart attack without any warning. What would our two children have done then ? No matter how bad life gets there is a reason for it. We mostly never know the reason until much later, or perhaps never. Somethings are just meant to be left in the void of the unknown.
When it is the darkest is when you need to scrape and scratch yourself up to the light. There is light waiting for you, but not without work on your part. No one can make you happy, only you can make yourself happy. It’s out there or should I say in you…
I know a lot have lost the battle with the fight that is sometimes referred to as Life. But, I am here to tell you no matter if you’re a young child of the sixties hiding underneath your school desk with your hands covering the back of your head, or you’re laying on the railway tracks with your father who had momentarily lost his way, there is light out there and it is up to you to reach it. To be brave if only one second at a time.
At times we are given a ton of lemons for which to make lemonade, but someone forgot to give us the sugar. It’s sour and too tart for the taste buds and all we want to do is pour the drink down the drain.
But, if you wait just a moment in time, perhaps a tad longer the sweetness will arrive at your doorstep and your thirst will be quenched with sweet tasting lemonade.
As you look around just wait. Life has a way of surprising us when we least expect it. It’s sort of like winning the lottery. Say you’ve played the numbers week after week expecting that huge win fall of cash, but all you wind up getting is a ticket with ink printed numbers not worth the paper it’s printed on.
But, if it is within a budget and you play the lottery without expecting hitting the jackpot, since the odds are never in our favor. But, sometimes there is a winner who just waited and lived their lives the best way that they could.
Just Wait…..
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